Written by Originally appeared in our LinkedIn Newsletter: Spoken Like An Entrepreneur
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/guiding-light-why-lakenya-kopf-6mw3e/
Yesterday (Friday, February 21st) was a bad day. I don’t mean the “oh, you’re over-exaggerating” type of bad day. I mean full-on, DEFCON 1-level bad – a day that gave my imposter syndrome all the proof it needed to do its unappreciated, yet impressively choreographed, happy dance.
In the years I’ve been an entrepreneur in one capacity or another, I’ve had good days and bad days, like everyone else. The issue is – and Tom Brady said it best as a commentator during the Super Bowl – I take the bad days or mistakes much harder than anything else. Those are the things that keep me up at night.
Simply put, yesterday made me start questioning why I am still doing this. Is it time to finally say goodbye and move on to my third career?
The doubts and questioning didn’t stop as I finally gave up on sleep this morning and decided to wash my hair. In the process, I still went through every single thing that happened and, for the life of me, couldn’t pinpoint what went wrong. Was it a bug in the system? How did the impossible happen? Was it something I did? Could I have prevented it? Will it happen again? Why did it happen?
The questions just kept coming. Even now, I still don’t have an answer but refuse to relinquish the blame. If it happens on my watch, it’s my fault – simple as that.
To make matters worse, this week has been one thing after another: programs not working, not loading, crashing – essentially making me wonder if Terminator was onto something and the uprising is happening. SAAS applications are starting to fight back, and AI is their leader!
Okay, a bit far, but even one client on a call kept swearing she wasn’t crazy when she couldn’t recreate an issue she’d been having, but magically, it worked during our call. My response: “Oh, I believe you! You’re not the first this week, and I promise you won’t be the last.”
It finally all came to a head this morning while I was deep conditioning my hair, and I asked myself, “Why am I even doing this?”
I’ve said it time and time again – in blogs, social media posts, and newsletters – that your why is what helps you see the light in the darkest of times. It’s what breathes passion back into your heart when the dread has taken root.
When I took a moment to remember my why(s), I smiled.
Why do I do this? For the comments from my clients that remind me that, while I may not think highly of myself (especially in moments like this), they do.
So, what are my whys? Saving the most important for last: to support others who have a dream and want to share it with the world. They’re taking a chance, and instead of talking themselves out of it or letting fear dictate their choices, they say, “I’m doing it anyway,” and allow me to be a part of that journey.
My development, my growth, my knowledge – it’s all driven by one mission: to be a resource and guide for the tech side of their business. All of the webinars, courses, certifications, late nights, and off-the-clock software training? That’s for them.
Outside of my clients, my why is my family. My youngest son loves to create business ideas so he can be like his Mommy. My husband brags to everyone about what I do and constantly tells me how proud he is of everything I’ve accomplished. When my mother was alive, I even helped her start her own blanket-making business because I wanted the world to see how talented she was.
I remembered that I do what I do not for me, but for others. It fuels me. It also allows me to give back in ways I have previously shared (charity donations, pro bono work, etc). It’s what makes me feel like I have a purpose on this planet.
Some may say their “why” is money, power, or influence. I’m not that type of person. While I can appreciate those things and understand why they might drive someone, for me, my most important answer to “Why I do this” is that it allows me to be the mother I want to be and the “single parent” I have to be when the Marine Corps gives my husband orders to report for drills and deployments.
I don’t have to choose between my career and my family. I don’t have to feel frustrated or disappointed when my child is sick or injured and my job refuses to let me leave to pick them up. I don’t have to fret over PTO days in order to take time off – because apparently, New England schools LOVE their half days and vacation days!
This work allows me to see my children off in the morning, pick them up in the afternoon, and ask them about their day. It gives me the freedom and flexibility to support them in activities I wouldn’t be able to if I were still fighting traffic trying to get home from my 9-to-5.
Out of everything, this “why” blows all the others out of the water and keeps me going.
So, my question to you, what is your why?
In your darkest, most trying moments what brings you back and reminds you to keep going, to not give up, to simply take a breath and reacclimate? What brings you comfort and clarity when the doom and gloom are determined to make you want to burn it all to the ground and dance on the ashes?
Take a moment and write it down. Put it in a safe place so that when you have your bad day and reason and rationale are not at the helm, you can remind yourself of your why.
Because, as Luna says on “Let’s Go Luna”: “There’s always tomorrow.”
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